75kms might not seem a long distance, but for a couple that spent 3 years living out of each other’s pockets, it can certainly feel it. Matt & I’s journey has been a lil different & unique, as everybody’s is. 5 years ago we lived in the house next door to each other on student residence, where it all began, ahhh…the walk of success.
We then went on to live together & share a room in rented houses. To cut a very long story short, we broke up after 3 years together & spent a year apart.
When we happened to start seeing each other again...it was baby steps at first 'let's just see how it goes' but it wasn't long before we'd fallen in love all over again. However, this time we both happened to be living back with our parents, 1hr 10mins on a good run from each other. This current arrangement is a whole different ball game to what we’ve had before.
We try our best and we do it our way, making it up as we go.
I don’t think it’s an easy thing to navigate for any relationship, distance. It requires commitment, trust, petrol/travel money and of course, love. I want to share as honestly as I can, as I know it's something many couples experience at one point or another.
I see it in the opportunity to bond with my family, living together again after me living away for 4 years. It has its challenges but I feel so much closer to them. There’s also a special opportunity for me to bond with Matt’s family when I’m staying with him. I have this beautiful mix of living on the cruisy Peninsula as well as being able to spend time in the excitement of Melbourne; best of both worlds eh?!
The time that we do get to spend together is cherished… we try to fit in our favourite things - going out for brunch or dinner or going away camping or sometimes it’s just a movie in bed where it takes an hour to pick the movie and then I fall asleep in 5 mins.
I get next level excitement to see him. It can be days, a week or even a couple of weeks apart... I get butterflies in my stomach haha (high school much?). Not to mention there’s also a lot of built up sexual tension…so, you know, that’s also a plus.
It’s nice to feel that longing and desire, an aching to be with each other.
Let me be honest. There’s some nights where I just plain miss him and long to be held until falling asleep. There’s some times where I’m looking at my schedule thinking I’m probably not going to see you for a week or two, fuck. There's frustration at talking on the phone, communication can definitely be trickier living apart. There are times my energy feels split between two places, one foot in each. There ARE times when I’m just over it.
Numerous and counting. To me, the main would be this beautiful space we have right now to explore equally who we are individually and together. It’s something we didn’t realize was so important the first time around and have been really mindful of since getting back together. I’m working really hard on my business dreams at the moment, as well as working part time at a café and teaching yoga. He's got an amazing job working full time and also needs a lot of time for making shit!
When we were starting to see each other again I was very intentional about wanting our relationship to be the cherry on top of an already fulfilled life.
I believe we are all whole within ourselves and I want to be in a relationship where individuality is nurtured as much as union.
I have my sanctuary where I diffuse my oils and sit in my fairy lit room and journal before I go to sleep. He has space to watch his 4WD DVD’s and go to the pub with the boys on a Friday night. Both are as important as the other, to making us feel like us. One day I’m sure we will need learn how to honour the sacred time we both need for ourselves, whilst living together. But for now, we have lots of space for our own self-care practices.
Appreciating right now...
I had a big truth bomb land on my yoga mat last night that we only have this, right now (Eckhart Tolle, much?) When we lived together in the past there were some shit times especially when we were separating and still sharing a room but there were also SO MANY GOOD TIMES too…memories I wouldn’t change for the World. Similar to now I guess - there’s good and bad.
Here’s the thing, both forces are always present - in EVERYTHING! It's the timeless and ever present philosophy of yin and yang. There’s always good, there’s always bad, there’s the good within the bad, there’s the bad within the good. So what does this mean? This means that wishing away the present for a different reality is missing out on the gold of right now. Sure, there’s manifestation for the future and there’s learning from the past…but I’m hesitant to spend too much time in either and miss the opportunity to soak up what’s unfolding NOW, moment-to-moment, day-by-day.
When I resent the distance I try to remind myself that I’m sure one day I’ll look back on this time with a smile at me running out to his car each time he arrives at my place or heading out in the city together for date night. There is a lot to like about what we got right now.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
In a recent meditation these words dropped onto my Heart:
I love you
More than I miss you
And the loving is more than the missing
Which makes everything easier.